I'm just coming out of the black hole of this summer, which was very writing- and research-intensive, between participating in the Summer of Protocols program, some private research work, and a couple of other projects that I hope to be able to share with you soon. Over those months, I accumulated a backlog of things I wanted to write about. Now that I've found myself with more time again, I've returned to that log and felt sort of conflicted about how to approach it. Here are some thoughts on why that is.
I resonate with this. Writing being something akin to an addiction, crowding out other parts of life: I struggle with that, too.
One thing that I have enjoyed is turning the writing back on life, using it as a mode of being present and curious to life around me, rather than escape it into ideas. I write quite a lot (privately) about my kids, and it helps me be more excited and curious about our life together (which otherwise risks boring me because of a percieved repitivity). I feel a certain shame around this, as it feels kind of weak and lame to parts of me, who prefer grand ideas. But I feel more grounded and happy this way. We'll see if that means I'm on the trajectory to stop writing.
Looking forward to hearing what emerged during Summer of Protocols.
I am sitting in a crowded, noisy hotel lobby as I read this. I'd been catching up with several other pieces I've been wanting to read and only when I opened this and starting consuming each word of yours did the noise around me dissipate. I immediately dropped into this in a way that made so much sense of the Joy I also get from writing. This was a pleasure to read. Thank you for your work!!
"When I'm not writing, I get antsy, anxious, and irritable. I have to fight not to see everything else in my life – time spent with loved ones, travel, even wandering and contemplation – as an annoyance or inconvenience, because it’s time spent away from whatever I’m chasing around in my head." - I recently felt this way when I was traveling and chose to step away from writing for a whole month.
thanks for piece and I look forward your next ones now that you are back to writing :)
You might be interested in the work of the poet Jane Hirschfield - she's a zen practitioner that is also a poet/essayist - she sees writing as a path to deeper joy itself :)
This year on New Year’s Day, I wrote a post it note that I stuck to my wall that said “I will find God in some form.” The months that followed after were the worst of my life. However, recently, I was gripped by a sense of overwhelming joy and it has not depleted at all. I think that in this sense, as someone who considers themselves agnostic, I have found God in some form.
Have always enjoyed your work, I especially enjoyed this piece.
I've been in conversation with a friend all week about the Spanish/bullfighting term "querencia". Your last two paragraphs signal to me that you may find a short exploration of the idea worthwhile!
Only once you stop chasing God, or any of his forms,
Are you Still.
And only once you are Still,
Does God, in all his glory and all his forms,
Make himself known to you.
May your words, and your will,
Be his.
I resonate with this. Writing being something akin to an addiction, crowding out other parts of life: I struggle with that, too.
One thing that I have enjoyed is turning the writing back on life, using it as a mode of being present and curious to life around me, rather than escape it into ideas. I write quite a lot (privately) about my kids, and it helps me be more excited and curious about our life together (which otherwise risks boring me because of a percieved repitivity). I feel a certain shame around this, as it feels kind of weak and lame to parts of me, who prefer grand ideas. But I feel more grounded and happy this way. We'll see if that means I'm on the trajectory to stop writing.
Looking forward to hearing what emerged during Summer of Protocols.
What a beautiful piece of writing. Thanks for sharing, Nadia.
I am sitting in a crowded, noisy hotel lobby as I read this. I'd been catching up with several other pieces I've been wanting to read and only when I opened this and starting consuming each word of yours did the noise around me dissipate. I immediately dropped into this in a way that made so much sense of the Joy I also get from writing. This was a pleasure to read. Thank you for your work!!
This is one of the most beautiful pieces I have read lately. The struggle of seeking happiness or spirituality through ideas resonates deeply.
"When I'm not writing, I get antsy, anxious, and irritable. I have to fight not to see everything else in my life – time spent with loved ones, travel, even wandering and contemplation – as an annoyance or inconvenience, because it’s time spent away from whatever I’m chasing around in my head." - I recently felt this way when I was traveling and chose to step away from writing for a whole month.
thanks for piece and I look forward your next ones now that you are back to writing :)
You might be interested in the work of the poet Jane Hirschfield - she's a zen practitioner that is also a poet/essayist - she sees writing as a path to deeper joy itself :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQK64SrYkzs&t=1s
This year on New Year’s Day, I wrote a post it note that I stuck to my wall that said “I will find God in some form.” The months that followed after were the worst of my life. However, recently, I was gripped by a sense of overwhelming joy and it has not depleted at all. I think that in this sense, as someone who considers themselves agnostic, I have found God in some form.
Have always enjoyed your work, I especially enjoyed this piece.
I've been in conversation with a friend all week about the Spanish/bullfighting term "querencia". Your last two paragraphs signal to me that you may find a short exploration of the idea worthwhile!
At the bottom of the abyss, you can decide what the abyss is.
In my mind, it's you looking at yourself, and God is in the mirror with you; free will is the ability to turn God into *nothing* or worse a demon.
I wonder what connection you're seeking with your writing, and in what ways the writing process or the finished outcomes deliver that connection.
Are you religious?